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Mar. 13th, 2014

Happiness Again?

Bethany and piper are here
I love having them here since it's been just me and Zora for a while.

I met someone. I just got home from his house about a half hour ago. I don't know how I landed someone so wonderful. I like when we have sleepovers. Watching him get ready for work in the mornings makes me so happy. He's a good dresser.

It's odd having someone who wants to be with me. For a while I felt like I was defective. I went through my whore phase. Bethany said it's ok.

I'm so tired. But this feeling I have is wonderful.

Feb. 14th, 2014

Valentine's Day

So. I'm not expecting much this year.

Zora is with Brent in Delaware.
I'm alone in Morgantown.

I've been seeing Hank for a few weeks now.
Another okcupid guy. We started talking towards the beginning of December.
I'm not 100% happy with him, but I might be able to.
He is decent in bed.
But that's not a good enough reason to stay with someone.

Laci is having her coming home party tomorrow.
Poor kid.
Going to Florida for radiation on her tumor.

Work is going ok.

I started painting again.

Hopefully I can see Hank later.

Jan. 1st, 2014

Tired of things

I've been really thinking about suicide lately.

Like putting ALOT of thought into.

I've been crying way too much.

Take narcs from work. Grind them into fine powder. Bake it into a small cupcake or brownie or something.

Sleeping pills.

I don't want something that will fail or be ridiculously painful.

I'm a pussy I guess, but whatever.

No one would miss me and the world would be better for it

Dec. 20th, 2013

What a beautiful face I have found in this place that is circling all round the sun

I met a guy named Frank tonight
We bonded over bands and other things
I told him that Neutral Milk Hotel was coming in March and he asked if I wanted to go with him

Dec. 16th, 2013

Our song

I continue a simple motion
You continue my continuation
I am you, You are me
These simple motions
Simple Motions

I repeat -over and over
You repeat -over and over
I repeat
Losing composure
All composure

*Will come back to this at some point. Atleast I have the piano part written.

Slowing down, yet speeding up

I've went back to being a brunette. The red was hard to keep up. Plus I dyed my hair for the wrong reasons.

It's been a while since I've had full blown intercourse.
I'm kind of proud of myself. The last person I fooled around with was Ian. That's completely over.
I went on a date about two weeks ago with a guy named Chuck. It was nice and slow paced. I appreciated that.
I haven't seen Catherine in weeks. I talked to her earlier this evening. It was very therapeutic. We talked about our love lives and what's been going on. I've missed her. It's nice knowing one person has love for you. She said I need to journal more.

I love my job. It's exhausting, but when I am there I don't have time to contemplate my love life or anything in that aspect. I just do. I find it refreshing seeing the older couples and the widows. It's nice seeing relationships that lasted. My Favorite is L. When I look at her she makes me smile.

Nov. 14th, 2013

-Super Sigh-

The face you're making, I know
And I really want to talk to you
I really, truly wanted to
But once you get your mind made up
There is no getting through to you

Nov. 13th, 2013

Fun times at the Superette

So Sunday night I was heading to a party.
I stopped at the superette to get cigarettes.
Ian's car was out front.
I bought what I needed but ended up staying.
We hung out for 2-3 hours.
He leaned his head on my stomach while he was sitting down.
It was a sweet gesture. Innocent.
He had me come behind the counter.
It reminded me vaguely of clerks.
We went to the back/employee area.
We made out.
He unzipped his pants and we fooled around.
I never had fooled around with someone at their job like that.
After we went back behind the counter like nothing happened.
He sat in my lap and I massaged his back.
Then he turned his head and nuzzled into my neck for a bit.
After customers came and left, he would turn around and kiss me.
We were out front of the store smoking before I left for my party and it was chilly. He took his jacket off and put it over my shoulders. It was so cute.

Whatever kind of relationship we have, I like it.

Nov. 7th, 2013


I miss you.
I miss what you represented.

Oh God Oh God Oh God

I cant believe I did that. Seriously...

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